i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
3pm strippers are depressing
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
