Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
