what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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