Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish you could order shots online.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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