If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
