You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
