i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
