I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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