The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
