Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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