Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
