dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
