i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
