she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
