im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
