I'm lost and stupid without you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
