omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
