booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
