i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
