She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
