last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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