you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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