i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
