I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
