drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
