how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
