Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
