how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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