he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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