I want to stick my p in your. b.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
