So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
