Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
