did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
