I need to stop coming to work sober
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
