You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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