Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
