i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
