OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
