I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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