i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
