What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
