Im at strip club and am horny
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
