I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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