I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
