I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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