You made me cry and you don't even care
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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