Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
