You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
