Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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