I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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