Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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