She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
